The Era’s Tour is over and I am FINE, totally FINE.
To delay the inevitable depression, I’ve written a series of posts on my favorite Taylor Swift tracks that resonate with me as a woman with ADHD. You can find them all here in our new ADHD Swifties category.
As a woman with ADHD, relationships can feel like a minefield. I crave connection, but my ADHD often complicates things, from impulsive emotions to overthinking every interaction. Taylor Swift’s song Tolerate It strikes a raw nerve for me. Each lyric feels like it was plucked from my heart, especially when I reflect on my struggles to find and sustain relationships.
“And notice everything you do or don’t do”
Having ADHD means my brain is always “on,” analyzing and overanalyzing. In relationships, this translates to noticing every little detail about my partner—their moods, habits, and responses. When I feel unseen or undervalued, my mind spirals, wondering if I’m asking too much or if I’m not enough. It’s exhausting to care so deeply and yet feel like the effort is one-sided.
“I wait by the door like I’m just a kid”
This line reminds me of the childlike anticipation I bring to relationships. ADHD often amplifies my emotions, so I’m always waiting—waiting for validation, affection, or a sign that my love is reciprocated. But too often, I’m left waiting, questioning if I should have tempered my expectations to avoid disappointment.
“I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it”
When unmasking in relationships, I’ve experienced this crushing feeling of being “too much.” I give everything—my energy, time, and heart—but sometimes, it feels like my partner is merely enduring me instead of cherishing what I offer. It’s a heartbreaking realization, but it’s one that’s taught me the importance of being with someone who celebrates my quirks, not just tolerates them.
“I take your indiscretions all in good fun”
I’ll admit, I’ve made excuses for partners who didn’t treat me well. ADHD makes it hard for me to let go, even when I know a relationship isn’t healthy. I’ll brush off red flags, thinking my love can fix things. But in reality, I’m just justifying behaviors that chip away at my self-worth.
“Where’s that man who’d throw blankets over my barbed wire?”
I long for a partner who sees beyond the messiness of my ADHD—the scattered thoughts, impulsivity, and emotional outbursts. Someone who’s willing to weather the storm with me instead of retreating. This lyric reminds me that I deserve a love that feels safe and comforting, not one that leaves me feeling judged or alone.
“Always taking up too much space or time”
As someone with ADHD, I’ve been made to feel like I’m too loud, too intense, or too emotional. It’s hard not to shrink yourself when you think your presence is overwhelming. But I’m learning to take up space unapologetically because the right person won’t see me as “too much”—they’ll see me as enough, just as I am.
Finding Grace in the Struggle
Tolerate It captures the heartbreak of being misunderstood in relationships, a feeling many women with ADHD can relate to. But it also serves as a reminder to advocate for love that celebrates who we are, quirks and all. Relationships shouldn’t feel like a performance where we seek approval; they should feel like a partnership rooted in mutual respect.
If this resonates with you, know you’re not alone. Our ADHD brains may complicate things, but they also make us uniquely passionate, creative, and empathetic. And that’s worth celebrating.
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